Thursday, March 27, 2008

Competition or Escape?


Hello, I'm known as Tim-Math-y on other blogs and here I am, creating my very own personal blog. Some may recall me as a contributer to the numerous math blogs that I participated in, through school courses. As this blog progresses, many may come to understand how I think and who I am to a higher degree. However, many will find that like everyone else, I'm just one of the many people in the world that wish to express their ideas.

There are many things that can be used to describe who I am. However, there are two things that people think of me as: 1.) An intelligent good student with ambition and goals who on many occasions, release frustrations through undirected profanity and break intensity through the acts of random humor (mostly known only to those who are acquainted with myself) and 2.) An extremely competitive gamer whose experience stretches far yet not enough to pass over to the professional level.

These two things are probably the most obvious characteristics that can detail myself. But ofcourse, there are explanations to many things on why people behave or do certain things. This is where I spill out reasons like a waterfall.

The Waterfall

I do things the way I choose to because I favor my choices. It's not that I'll take nothing else but my own ideas and the like (that way, I'd never succeed cause only fools do not accept advice). I do accept aid and ideas from those who provide ideas that are worth inheriting. However most of the cases, this does not occur. In some sense, I may be arrogant, but only enough for my own benefit. When things such as education comes forth, I prioritize myself. I find that the lack of prioritation is the most common issue that many young students face today.

Procrastination is everywhere, and is definitely not a new concept. I will say though, that I do procrastinate (though like everyone else, I do not enjoy to). Being in High school is about building responsibilities so that we can move on with a good set of habbits. When important things are presented to me, I listen and learn intentively. Many people forget that school is not about impressing their parents, competition with friends, nor just a requirement of life. It's for your own benefit. This is where your future is written (Random Quotation: "It is Written." by Santiago of The Alchemist ~ Paul Coelho).

There will always be an outcome, but it is up to you to shape it, embrace it, and make it true. I've always learned that it is definitely a bad idea of relying on others, despite the fact that it may be tempting. While learning new things at school, I always try to sort it out on myself, even when I don't understand something in the start. Throughout the class, classmates might notice that I am concentrating unusually. This is actually when I'm trying to make sense of something that did not click previously. This way, I can come to a more complete understanding of a concept, through personally clearance. If I still cannot understand a concept, that's when I ask for aid (After I have attempted to understand).

Well after all of this, you may be thinking to yourselves: This guy is full of himself, thinking he knows how to do everything. And: How does this tie to the title?

To be honest, I am no where near perfect nor am I full of myself (no I'm not in denial haha). I just enjoy understanding everything that I believe is important to understand. That way, my mind is infinite! Well anyway, while people think that I'm some genius super academic, I'm no where near that (despite the fact that people just think I'm modest). Yes I bring home the 90% +'s and more, but that does not guarantee the success of my future! To be able to learn, understand, and prove yourself through tests and exams are nothing compared to what may be ahead of you. To be able to understand the concepts completely and apply it to your everyday life, is a different story. You see, that is why I'd think people might call me "emo"tional. Sure, I'm emotional at times just like the typical human beings, but don't worry, I don't cut myself or anything lolololol.

I have the grades, the computer, the games, the consoles, the house, the cars, the life, and everything you technically need. Many even say that I'm going to be their doctors or something superb like that. But to be honest, I don't think I have what I want. I don't think I'm that smart at all. I don't have the social skills that some people are gifted with. I don't have the confidence to actually be successful in life. I also fail at my love life, which sucks. I'm so shy that I can't seem to talk or maintain eye contact from those who I wish to be with. Now, this all ties together. You might think, wow, this kid has some issues, lets get out of here! But if you continue reading, you'll understand where this frustration goes to.

Now this is where my gamer life comes up. I love to play games. I play online games only so that I can feel accomplishments over others. This is where I release my stress and just completely zone out. When I play games, it's like my mind is completely free of all my life problems and that for those hours that I play, nothing matters. I'm like someone else. But the thing is, I'm real competitive about my gaming. I wish to excel!

Well hmm, who doesn't? As I like to say: excel in everything you do so that you can make the best of it. But now I ask myself and others. Are games really for my enjoyment and competition? or is it just a funnel for my issues?

Thanks for reading =)